Well....time is flying as it usually does when something is approaching? At first I was so anxious and impatient, time seemed to take forever. Now i'm two weeks away from flying to Ireland. For more reasons than one...i'm both excited and a bit scared to be in a new place and be bombarded with so many new images and people I have never met before. I hope I take it well...and i hope things will work out for the best....i'm now quite convinced (more than ever that is) that everything happens for a reason. All I can simply do is go with the flow of things...and hopefully not be so disappointed...

Now as many people now that I'm leaving for the next two weeks or so...I'm getting to realize that I have bonded with so many of my regulars at work....in more than just a friendly...well you know." I gotta kiss the customers ass and smile to not get fired sorta way" I have actually developed friendships and I feel as part of a family...I never thought I would look so forward to see all these people at night when i'm working! lol Many have already expressed emotions and feelings that I have to come back...that this is just a vacation...but that I must not go and live somewhere else! lol That things woudln't be the same if I left. How can I possibly ever even imagine I could make such a difference in someone's life...by simply listening them out and actually caring about how their day went...or caring about why they look down or blue? I never knew...i suppose how much of an impact I have had on peoples lives?

I sit here still confused...so many thoughts running through my mind. Yet something within me...still asks me "where are you gonna live next?" It's almost as an inner calling...that i'm on the hunt of where to experience life. Life is short people...of course some of you young chickens would never even think of such a thought! But as you get older...you realize that you gotta live life and experience things...i don't want to be that person who looks back and thinks about how different their life would have been if they weren't scared to try new things or to even take a risk. I don't want to stop trying and i want to keep growing...as the years pass...i only feel and look better. Shit! lol i honestly thought that getting old was something most people hate to think about or dread...you know? But for me...me being the freak that I am...I always have different thoughts on things...I would like to say that I see things in a different view. I embrace age and all the wisdom i'm getting and learning as I go along. If I just would have known the things i know now back when I was 18 or 19 how many problems and bad situations I could have avoided! But in life you are meant to fall flat on your face every once in a while...it reminds you that you are alive and fucking up is part of living.

So there it is....i'm about to leave to another country....and though i'm scared and i have to do this and I wanna do it for all that it's gonna teach me. For all that I know, I could hate the place and just not feel as if I can be part of me someday...or I may feel right at ease and know that once I place my shoes on the soil...that this is where I belong...and if not, at least i'll know i'm getting closer.

Much love and hugs to Orlando and Touch...thank you for your lovely msgs and emails! I love you both!